Time goes on and on.....

Before I know it....weeks have gone by and I realize that my writing has been ignored totally. I feel so strongly about keeping everyone informed of Richard's situation....you have all done so much for us...I feel like I want to communicate with everyone as much as I can. But then glorious life seems to happen, time seems to fly and my days get all lumped up. It's such a busy world....even fighting and beating brain cancer can't seem to slow it down!!!

I sit here, at my computer, listening to the rain and also listening to my precious cat's purr as she sits next to me nudging me to keep working and to take intermittent breaks to pet her and take a deep breath. My animals seem to remind me of the important things...stopping, attending, breathing, looking into eyes not just looking at whole faces. They often seem to be my best teachers. I am grateful that they don't lose patience with my stubborness regarding learning to slow down and do the important things.

Richard is laying down....he takes lots of time during our weekends to rest. I am so pleased that he feels well enough to work as much as he is. I know it is sosososo important to him. I support him everyday as he walks out that door because I know that at work he feels successful, important, needed, valued. All of that is so wonderful for him right now. But I am also so thankful for our time at home together. I keep myself busy in my studio while he rests....but his spirit seems to fill the house....I can touch his presence.....it means the world to me to just have him near.

I feel teary today as I write this...I don't know why...honestly...the tears don't seem to have a logic or a predictableness to their arrival...they just come. When I'm home and alone...I let them come. I've never let that happen before. But this time, now, it seems so important...that I even welcome my moments of reflection, tears, fullness, emotions. Slowly, over the past five months, I have learned that the tears will stop and that often I will be left with a re-welling of strength and focus. That is good. That is something to not be afraid of.

On the whole I think Richard is doing fabulously with his chemotherapy. He is starting his second week of his second month and the side effects seem to be tolerable. The fatigue is the hardest thing for him to deal with....mainly because it is such a different type of tired for him. But he is learning that resting, napping, sitting does help....and so he is letting himself do that. His appetite has also been strange lately...nothing seems appealing at times. But I can be a very creative cook....and his Mom tempts him with her precious comfort foods. Between the two of us....Rick is eating!!!!!

The biggest news for Richard is that he's joined a motorcycle group called, "Bikers Fighting Cancer". At first Richard was hesitant....but he was invited to one of their meetings and he has continued to communicate with some of the members. They are so beautifully supportive...I can't believe it. I am so thankful for their tender e-mails and words of encouragement. They're wonderful people and would drop everything if Richard needed them. They've asked Richard to take a motorcycle trip with them in August to a HUGE motorcycle rally in Sturgis, North Dakota. I believe that Richard is planning on joining them. I think that is sosososo awesome!!! (No I will not be going with him......I've ridden across Montana once on a motocycle.....my butt and I will NEVER do that again!!!! Anyway....this feels like a guy event!!! I'm thrilled for him!)

Here is a picture of our sweet cat, Mia. As you can tell....our life here on East Maplewood is pretty comfortable for all of us!!!!

We love you all!!!!

Blessings, Sherri

Chemo News!!!

We've had beautiful snow this week!!! But before it hit it was bitterly cold. On Saturday we took the dogs out for a walk and we all had a blast. Richard throws the ball for them and they run back and forth about 100 times, never tiring of the chase. Mali, of course, is on the constant hunt for water and when she finds it she just wallows in it. At one point she layed in this huge mud puddle and she was totally covered with brown, gooey mud. On our way back to our house she took a much

needed swim in the creek and got all cleaned off. I think you can
see how cold Richard was. That little bald head of his loses alot of heat. He was a trooper though. He and I walked about 2 miles. The dogs must have walked about 10. Oh to have their energy.

The second picture was of a fairy place. I think we probably interrupted some fairy loving because it was still warm. Doesn't it look cozy? I love finding these little fairy places in the forests of the Pacific Northwest. It's quite magical! (Come on everyone; let me have my little fantasies!!!! Richard plays along with me. I love that about him.)

Richard has been off of his chemo since Saturday; however I believe that the side effects have been more troublesome as the week has gone on. The fatigue is bad and very uncomfortable for himn. He had stopped taking the anti-nausea medication because he thought that without the chemo he wouldn't need it.....but it has become obvious that the chemo is still in his system because he is experiencing some nausea. Today we met with the clinical trial coordinator (Cheryl...our Angel). At the end of every 21 day round of chemo Richard will meet with her and fill out a questionaire regarding how the chemo is affecting his daily living. I think our talk was very beneficial because Cheryl was able to spend alot of time talking about Richard's concerns and answering his questions.

They, of course, think Richard is amazing (I could have told them that). They are amazed that he is able to work as much as he is; however can see that that is about all he is able to do right now and she expressed concern that he may be working too much. I believe that after their discussion today Richard will be looking at his work situation to see if he can cut back a little. He is very tired and has little energy for those things that he knows are good for him and that he loves (physical exercise, tai chi, seeing friends and family, messing around in his "he-barn" etc.). I anticipate that he will be constantly reviewing and adjusting his work schedule as he feels he should. He's so good at taking care of himself.

According to the clinical trial's protocols Richard will be INCREASING his chemo this month to a dose that he will stay on for the remaining five months. I'm not sure if he and I are happy about this. I think we're cautiously happy...but worry that the side effects may get worse. We believe that he is so strong and that he's doing everything right. We believe that the "icky stuff" will be manageable.

In other news, I've started teaching again.....and that feels wonderful. I believe, strongly, in the power of creativity in people's lives. I feel so honored that I get to help people learn to play with images, colors and textures. I literally get to watch people's spirits soar with expression. It is so fun!!!!

I hope all is well with everyone. Your warmth, love, thoughts and prayers are so appreciated. We love you all!!! Be happy and healthy!!!!

Love Sherri

Baby, It's cold outside!!!!

We've been having some really cold weather here in the Pacific Northwest. This afternoon when I took the dogs down to the lower portion of our property to play ball much of the grass was still frosty. The dogs love to go down there and play. Our lower field is huge and they could chase the ball all day. I've gotten quite proficient at using the "tosser" and can throw the ball way out there. Usually, when Mali is able to catch the ball, she runs wildly for the creek with Jazzy following her, barking and yipping all the way. Today, even though it was freezing, Mali still headed for her beloved water. She even layed down in the creek and rested for a while!!! BRRRRRR!!! Jazzy will follow her into the water reluctantly and only to steal the ball in order to bring it back to me. I think the pictures are darling. Jamaica simply goes outside to go to the bathroom and then races back to the door. It is way too cold for him!!!


An update on Richard is that he continues to do pretty well on the temador. His last dose, for this round, will be on Friday and then he has seven precious nights off of it. His biggest complaint so far is that there is an increase in his fatigue. He's also is experiencing some wierd symptoms that are difficult for him to explain (maybe more flu-like symptoms???) but he seems to be hanging in there. He does more blood work tomorrow. According to the results of this bloodwork they will decide whether to increase the chemo dose or not. I don't know whether to wish for a dose increase or not.


We both remain very confident that this is exactly what we should be doing. We are still so blessed to be working with the team of doctors that have truly been brought to us. I know that Rick is getting tremendous medical care and that we are stomping the HECK out of any cancer cells that possibly could have survived major brain surgery, intense radiation and a 6 week round of temador chemo therapy.

His little noggin' is still hairless in spots and he has chosen to keep shaving it. I think he looks darling. He looks sosososo awesome in his hats and has taken to rubbing his head all the time. It must

feel good to him. I love rubbing his head. To me it is a treasure!!!

Thank you for your continued support and well wishes. We feel your positive energy and prayers. I hold my friends and family so very close. I don't know what we would do without all of you.



Blessings and love,



Sherri

A trip to Seattle!!!

Today I took a break from everything and went on the train to Seattle with my 89 year old Mother. We went to meet my sister and her husband (Richard!!!) and then to go see my new Great Niece, Nevina Faline. The train ride was pretty magical. Just being able to spend 2 1/2 hours with my Mom with absolutely no interruptions other then the beautiful views was a treat!!!! We chatted and really enjoyed the scenery as the conductor did the driving for us. The train is a wonderful way to travel.

We were met at the station by Jodee, Richard and my other great niece, Ruby (age 3). Ruby is darling and she and I are getting to know each other. I, unfortunately, don't ge to see her often enough. When I do it is always a very special time for me. I love her pure joy and twinkle. I think she and I are kindred spirits somehow. She gets me!!! I love that!

Seeing my nephew Chris and his wife Kim was such great experience. The baby is beautiful. Such a gift to our family. When Chris walked out with her my breath was taken away. She is a beautiful baby....peaches and cream complexion, beautiful eyes and little "rose bud" lips that are so sweet. Our family does make gorgeous babies. I couldn't believe that she was just four days old. Kim looked absolutely beautiful too!!!! She was so positive about the whole experience of giving birth and of now being a mother. She was sosososo gracious in welcoming us. Chris and Kim are both going to be awesome parents. Here are some pictures of my Mom with Nevina and also my Mom with my nephew Chris. In the first picture you can see a little bit of Ruby. I wish I had gotten one of just her. She is quite a treasure.

I've always been so proud of my nephews, Chris and Anthony. They are wonderful men. It has been such a blessing for me to be able to watch them move throughout life. They're actually quite incredible...... They are now working together, along with Anthony's wife Andrea, at their tea shop called Remedy. I love it there and I love the concept that they have come up with. They are amazing.

After we saw Kim and the baby for a while, we all went out for lunch and met my other nephew Anthony (Ruby's Daddy). We had such a good time during our meal. I tried to get caught up with Anthony......and I loved watching him as a parent with Ruby. Wow!!!!! He is incredible with her. So loving and warm, always reaching for those teachable moments, so proud of her.... He is raising a wonderful little girl and I can see him throughout so much of her own personality.

We also stopped at the tea shop to enjoy a cup of my favorite tea (Red Satin) and to see Andrea (Ruby's Mommy). Oh my gosh!!!!! She is such a gifted woman and I was so glad to see her. She is sweet, compassionate and sincere. I love her smile and her confidence. I wish I could be as comfortable in my own skin as she is. She is amazing!!!!

I was thankful for the day. I'm sosososo proud of my family and love them deeply. Sometimes my love for them literally brings me to tears. I can't explain it....but they all are so important to me and don't think I have yet found the words to express that to them. They have all been a wonderful support to Richard and I. I love them so much!!!!

Blessings,

Sherri

A Special Day in January!!!

I wanted to write and let everyone know how Richard is doing on his chemotherapy!!! He began the regime on Saturday evening. I am pleased to announce that he is doing quite well. He has no nausea (with the anti-nausea medication) and has been able to work full-time!!! He is the miracle man for sure. I've noticed that he seems more tired but so far that hasn't interrupted his life in any way. He is amazing! (How many times have I said that since this roller-coaster ride began????? Not enough...that I know for sure!)

Richard went to see Dr. Congdon (no!!! not Condom!!!), his oncologist, this week. The doctor went on and on about how wonderful Richard is doing. I missed the trip (a sick tummy) but Richard's Mom went in my place. Pam also joined them for the visit. She is such a blessing! Dr. Congdon is definately one of our favorites. He is so kind and gentle. I guess Rick's Mom instantly had a crush on him!!!!

I wanted to include some pictures of our Holidays. I know these are very late....but they are so precious to me; I wanted to share them with you. Pictures and memories have a whole new meaning for me now. I need to have pictures of everything to the point of obnoxiousness. It feels sosososo important!

When we arrived at my sister and brother-in-law's house for Christmas Eve Richard (my brother-in-law...I know it's confusing) had his collection of baseball caps on the table for my Richard to choose from. It was the most touching thing!!! Richard Arnold has been collecting these caps for years and wanted to supply my Richard with as many as he wanted for his sweet, little bald head. Richard and I were very touched. Of course one of Richard's choices was the hat with a stuffed Husky Dog Head on it!!!! Do you like my Richard's Santa robe????? He looked quite festive!

Our new house looked so beautiful with all of our Christmas decorations! It truly is "home"!!!

Here we are on Christmas day!!! That's Jamaica in my arms! Doesn't Richard's unhair look great!!! He's so cute....he rubs his head all the time....I do too :)!

Alex has always loved dogs and I think he and Mali have an amazing bond. She's such a little puppy. She loves it when her brothers and sisters come home for a visit.

On Christmas day we had a wild game of "Taboo". I'm pleased to report that Emily and I won the game!!!!!

Here's the Family. What a lovely group we are!!!! Richard looks so happy. I think he is most happy when he is surrounded by all his family.

On the Friday of the week of Christmas Dana bought us tickets to the Omni Cinema at the Seattle Science Center and the Underground Seattle Tour. It was a fabulous day. We all had so much fun!!! It was such a thoughtful and perfect Christmas present. Dana is the head you see between Richard and Emily. He got the short chair!!!

Well....I guess that is it for now. We are anxiously awaiting the arrival of a new great niece. My nephew Chris and his wife Kim are having a baby very soon. She is in labor RIGHT NOW!!! Oh my gosh!!!!!

Our News!!!

We just got home from the doctors....and I wanted to let everyone know the results of the MRI that was taken yesterday!!! First of all...may I say that Richard has the most beautiful brain in the world. The doctor showed us the pictures and I was totally in awe of the sparkles that I could see dusted throughout all of his "matter"!!!! The doctor reported that Richard's brain shows NO SIGN OF TUMOR GROWTH!!!!!! It's clean and shiny and the only things there are the things that are suppose to be there!!!! ALLEUIA!!!!!

We were also told, at this appointment, that Richard will be on the experimental arm of the Temador trial. That means that he will receive chemo for 21 days and then will have 7 days off. On this arm he will actually be receiving more chemo but it will be spread out over 21 days. The first month he will be on the same amount of chemo he has been on....during month two they may bump him up. This regime will last for six months. At that point they will re-evaluate and he could take six more months if it is needed. His next MRI will be at the end of March.

Because he is no longer receiving the radiation Richard will be able to take his chemo at any time during the day. It is recommended that he take it at bedtime with a Zofran (the anti-nausea medication). Hopefully, that will take care of most of the nausea. Our insurance company has OK'd two Zofran a day so if he does have nausea he can have more medication. The rest of the side effects of the chemo are the same as before.

Richard really wants to work full time. Of course that has me worried a little since I know that he struggled with fatigue when he took the Temador before...but my husband is amazingly determined. We'll just have to see how he does. He knows himself very well and I trust that he'll be smart about the amount of work he does.

I am feeling so happy!!!! Again.....an affirmation of the power of collective, positive thinking and creation. I felt you all with us yesterday and today (actually I've been aware of a warm, glowing precence throughout this whole experience)! I know that together we are creating this miracle. Thank you for remembering us and for holding us close.

I believe that Richard has so much left to do on this Earth. He is such a teacher. His tenderness and sensitivity makes him such a powerful leader. His unassuming precence helps people approach him, tell him their own stories and then listen to his words. His belief and faith are incredible. He is smart. He is sososo funny. He is creative. Everything that has happened in his life has prepared him for this experience and through this experience he continues to be a leader and a model.

This evening I am full of joy....joy for Richard's health. I'm going to light candles everywhere tonight....seeing each one of you in their glow.

Love Sher

No convincing evidence of recurrent tumor!

I am at work, but just had to share the good news!!!

From the radiology report of the MRI yesterday

"Decreased enhancement about the margin of the resection cavity of the glioblastoma multiforme in the right temporal region. This indicates resolving postoperative changes. No convincing evidence of recurrent tumor at this time."


Love to All..

Richard

Today is Richard's MRI!!!

I'm taking some time out this morning to write a little entry regarding Richard's MRI which is scheduled for today. We will get the results tomorrow at an afternoon doctor's appointment with his radiologist. We are anticipating absolutely no problems....however.....I know....by now, I feel like I know it intimately, the power of thoughtful creation....and so I would like to invite everyone to join us in creating a positive result from these tests. I've been seeing his brain full of healthy brain tissue and the place where the tumor was is full of twinkling stars...fascinating in their shimmer and beauty. I've also been seeing his body as warm, filled with bright beautiful colors....a place where only "good" can be made. When I look in Rick's eyes....I see such strength and courage. I wish you all could have that quiet strength living with you.... It is an awesome experience living with a man who moves with such an amazing faith. He has no need to question anything.....He just believes!!!!

I have joined an on-line support group. In some respects it has been an answer to prayer for me because I have found a community that really understands the journey of a caregiver of people with GBMs. However, daily, I am also reminded of the ugliness of the world of GBMs and the devastatinng affects they can have on people and their families. Being the caregiver of a brain trauma patient can be very different from caring for patients with other illnesses. When the brain is involved there are many nuances that are there....that many wouldn't even notice....but that are glaring for the patient and the caregiver. Assisting the brain trauma patient is an art (I am learning!!!) and I'm so relieved that I have found a place where I can ask questions, gain knowledge, receive support for my struggles and talk openly with people who understand.

After reading so many testimonials from the caregiver group I have become aware of all the many miracles of our own journey. Most GBMs truly are not so limited to one chamber of the brain....and typically, after surgery, there is tumor left or there is significant brain damage where the person must recover from many serious deficits. Richard was so blessed in many ways....his tumor was isolated to his right temporal lobe, they got it all, plus margins all around it, he came away from the surgery with minimal deficits, we found an amazing surgeon and subsequently a fabulous radiologist and oncologist, he qualified for a great clinical trial, and he tolerated the radiology and first round of chemo with only some complications. All those things put him in an excellent, statistical place.

Our job now is to face this next round of tests and then move into the heavier round of chemo with the same strength and determination.....but mostly with the same mindfulness and thought. We can do it!!!!! At times it feels daunting....but then I remember the MANY blessings that have come to us, the things we have learned, the grace that seems to blanket our home and the beautiful angels that have stuck by us....and I know we can do anything.

Thank you again......you are our light!!!!! Keep shining and loving!!!

Love Sherri

Christmas 2008

Richard and I spent the week before Christmas suffering with the Noro Virus!!! Man.....that was a meaningful experience for a husband and wife to share. I am way too cute to have something as ugly as this virus. Richard, of course, handled it with grace while I had to whimper around for a number of days....whining and extending the virus further than most. It seems that with my diabetes any kind of "illness" hangs on with me. Noro and I got way too close, however...Both Richard and I were very glad to see her go!!!!


Our son Alex turned 24 on December 21st!!!! We were able to go over to Orcas Island (such a beautiful place) to visit him for the evening of his birthday. Since we had to bring Noro too, our visit was short.....but we had sosososo much fun with Alex. We were able to take him and his friend Will (a wonderful guy) out for a fabulous dinner at Deer Harbor and then just spend the evening with Alex....seeing his new computer shop and the house where he lives. He seems so happy and centered. He has a new job at the Orcas Market and is settling in to all those new responsibilities. It was a wonderful visit.

Christmas Eve and Christmas were very special. This year it felt sososo important to have a GREAT Christmas....which can often lead to a lot of stress. Being sick helped me realize, once again, the importance of relationships, family and friends.....and how trivial most of the things I worry about really are. We didn't bake cookies, go way out on food preparation, decorate beyond belief or buy tons of gifts. We just didn't have time. And....guess what? We had a beautiful time with our children and our families....even without all the silly trappings. What a wonderful lesson for me.....Again.......I am being blessed, constantly, by lessons and love.

Richard and I have spent a lot of time, during this Holidays, remembering all the beautiful people who have helped us during these past four months and even more time being thankful for so much. We both share a new warmth which is a result of the discovery of true family and friends. We often sit in awe of the light that has surrounded us. Sometimes I look at Richard and he seems to be glowing....I understand that luminescence as pure love....within him, of course.....but also given to him from others. He is at his most beautiful at these moments.

I know this is short....but we have very early bedtimes here....and Richard has already started the nightly routine. I love to join him and "snuggle" close......but I did want to at least check in and let you all know that we are doing fine and loving everything and everyone with passion. We hope you all had a Merry Christmas and that you are preparing for a special New Years celebration. I promise.....I will write more very shortly!!!!

I Believe!!!

I just read a beautiful entry from a mother on my on-line brain tumor, caregiver support group. Her son (in his thirties) was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2000. Today was the day of his six month MRI. She's been posting, prior to today, about her anxiety and fear regarding this test. Many have written her back, assurring her, encouraging her, sympathizing with her because waiting for the MRI results, I guess, can be excruitiating. She just wrote the group and told us that Kevin's MRI was clear...no reoocurrence of any tumor growth. I immediately was brought to tears....with joy for this courageous family...but also with such hope and belief for my own husband who is bravely, fighting this battle. I believe that Richard will be one of those survivors!!!! I believe, I believe, I believe.

Our days without Radiation and Chemo!!!

These past two days have been very interesting for Richard and I. Since chemo and radiation have stopped we seem to have sosososo much more time on our hands. We're also in the thick of the Winter Darkness here in Bellingham. That means that basically by 3:30 it is dark and pretty unsafe for me to be outside doing anything by myself. It's at this time of year that I always begin to feel a little claustrophobic! Obviously...I need to get ALL my inside projects lined up! I have many!

Richard is feeling pretty good. He still complains of being tired but he is working six to seven hours a day and seems to be plugging along. Work is so terrific for him. I know, that while he is there, he is surrounded by people that love him dearly and that they are watching out for him. Richard is so darn lovable. He is very close to many of the people at his job. I am so thankful that he is able to continue doing as much as he is.

I'm doing O.K. too!!! I'm settling into a new rhythym here and asking myself what my near future may look like. I think from the moment that I heard Gittle (our doctor) say the words brain tumor, life as I knew it, changed forever. I, myself, changed dramatically. I never want to forget the importance of this experience and I want to give it the attention it deserves. I've always had to learn things the hard way....well I believe this brain tumor has been the boulder that I needed to make some positive moves in my own life.

This is all still unfolding and I'm not sure, yet, what the changes may look like. I suspect that to most they won't even be noticeable but for me it is time to move in a more purposeful, thoughtful direction. I have learned so much since this all began....maybe I was learning all along...but this experience definately solidified a great deal for me.

People ask me what I have been working on, creative wise, during these past few weeks. I wanted to show you some pictures of some jewelry I've been doing. The colors, twinkle, and movement brings me great joy. With my eyesight, people who have seen the bracelets have asked me how I do it. Between my numb hands and my fuzzy eyesight it can be difficult...but with lights, etc. it works out and I'm having a blast. The model is Emily. She has beautiful hands and shows the braceletys off beautifully. I hope that you like them.

This is a busy time for all of us. I love the Holidays but it's so easy to get totally overwhelmed with all the shoulda, woulda, couldas. We have so much to be thankful for. This seems to be the perfect time to count our blessings. That's what's really important.

You are all very close. I love you!

Blessings,

Sherri

Holiday Break

Break time from the chemotherapy comes with the finish of the radiation today. It will be a relief to not have to time my day around the chemo / radiation routine. Dr Thompson told us that the effect of the radiation will continue for a couple weeks after treatment.. we'll see. In January, I will re-start the Temador for 6 months with the start of the Clinical Trial after a follow up MRI on January 2ed.

Blessings to you and I wish you the brightest of holiday spirit and love.

BRRR!!!! Baby it's cold outside!!!

It is sosososo cold here!!! Winter is fast approaching (technically on the 21st...my sweet boy's birthday.....but it feels like it is here right now!!!!)! The best part about the cold is that my dog poop picking-up duty is much easier when everything is frozen (probably TMI...sorry).

I wanted to catch everyone up on some important happenings during these past couple of weeks. First....it was Dana's 25th birthday this past Tuesday. We all went out to dinner last weekend (during the big snow!!!) and had a fabulous meal at Nimbus. Then we came home and continued the celebration with a confetti, boxed, birthday cake (Dana's choice) and ice-cream. It was a special time for all of us. The meal was amazing!!!! Here's some pics.

This is a picture of Dana, his Mom and I. Isn't Dana the cutest thing? I am so proud of the kind of wonderful man he is. He has been an amazing support for his Dad and I. I am so blessed to have him in my life.

O.K. Here's precious Jason chowing down on a raw oyster!!!! Yes....I said a raw oyster!!! We all watched in fascination as he chewed this puppy with great delight! He's always willing to try anything!
Emily and Jason are such a great looking couple! And what's so great about them is that they are so nice! I'm always touched by their sweetness.

Yesterday we went down to Everett to have dinner with Richard's sister, family and friends in celebration of her 50th birthday. We had a wonderful time and dinner was yummy. I worried about Richard driving down there after a long week....but as always, he was a trooper, and we had no problems. It was a nice evening for us. I love these pictures of Richard showing off his bald head. It was darling watching him and his Dad.

This is a picture of Richard and Pam with Vicki and Don. These four have been close friends since childhood. I love listening to stories about their escapades. It was nice that they could all be together for Pam's birthday.

As Richard has told you, Monday is his last day of radiation. It's hard to believe that 6 weeks have already gone by. Last week we saw both the radiologist and the oncologist and have now been prepped for the next phase of Richard's treatment. He gets a month off....which we have been warned may still be difficult, physically, for Richard since the effects of radiation will continue for quite a while. But we're both looking forward to no appointments, no chemo., and of course, the holidays!!!

I will miss the Cancer Treatment Center (that is so wierd but I will!!!). They have been so wonderful to us. Last week I went in and watched Richard's treatment. That was awesome!!! My poor baby!!!! It looks so scary. They tried to explain everything they were doing and then took me to the master computer as they did the treatment. They have Richard on camera the entire time and he didn't move a muscle. I don't know how he has done this for six weeks with such courage and grace. He trully is my hero.

The treatments (both chemo. and the radiation) have had their physical affects on Richard. The nice part about the whole thing is that it's all been cummulative so it's been slow; however he has struggled. What I notice is that when he gets tired, usually in the afternoon, he becomes very quiet and listless. He seems to get easily confused and has difficulty putting his words and thoughts together. A couple of weeks ago I expressed my concerns to the radiologist and he increased Richard's steroids (which the doctor said was typically needed during brain radiation). That has helped immensely with all of the negative complications; although it has caused some issues with sleeping, anxiousness and the "hungry horrors"....but he's absolutely a total miracle.

Looking back, I am still so shocked that all of this has happened to us. We often find ourselves talking about how amazing all of this has been. But....there have been many blessings and so many very special moments...especially between my husband and I. I am so thankful for this time together. We are so aware of the preciousness of this awakening. Truly, I leave nothing unsaid. I never stop myself from touching him. I never hesitate to look deeply into his beautiful eyes and I never stop thanking the Universe for such a beautiful partner. On the day we were told about Richard's brain tumor my life totally changed. I am walking with a new view and with a new sense of my own clarity. That has been one of the many blessings.

I am thankful for all of you. I feel you out there! Thank you for standing beside us.

Blessings,

Sherri

Radiation Done!

Here it is, Thursday evening, and I am realizing that I have only 2 more radiation treatments left! How great this will be!. Not that they have been terrible, in fact, I have been pleasantly surprised at how well I have seemed to tolerate them. I have had moments of extreme fatigue, some Minor skin irritation, an hair loss at the sites, but generally it hasn't been bad. Everyone at the radiation center are SO nice, it makes it kind of nice going there just to see them.

After this phase, I will continue on the temador for a 6 month cycle. The dose will be determined by which are of the clinical trial I am selected for.. It will really be simple with the need to take only a few pills a day. I will find this out next week. It will be either 5 days of high dose chemo followed by 23 days off, or 23 days of lower dose chemo with five days off.. So this experience is in no way over, but the gravity has lifted, I have healed and I look forward to the future with optimism and strength.

I have so much thanks and appreciation for all the wonderful friends, family and co-workers that have been here to support me through this last couple months.. I would especially like to thank all the wonderful women that have been a pert of Sherri's art life and the Stampadoodle crew. All the members of the SAS group have been SO wonderful and generous I can hardly find words to express my gratitude. I do have a strong spiritual faith, and I know that you are all angels come here to lift my spirit and the spirit of those whom I love above this darkness that seemed to swirl in from nowhere. you all have been a light in the darkness for Sherri and I during this time.

He's SOSOSO cute!!!

Have I told you how darling my husband is with just a teeny weeny bit of hair? Oh my gosh! He is sososo handsome!!! Who would have thought? But I swear he should have been shaving his head a long time ago! And yes...this morning I rubbed his head and made a big wish!

He says his little noggin' is freezing! I think when he's at home he should wear a bandana or a soft, knit stocking cap...and when he goes outside he has always worn a hat!!! I hate him being cold. So I will be on the hunt for warm "inside" hats....(Oh boy!!! Something else to shop for!!!)

Anyway...I just had to tell you that I'm living with a very good looking man.... We are constantly discovering the "blessings" of this brain tumor experience!!!!

You are all in our hearts....as always!

Sher

New Doo

Decided that with the radiation making large bald spots, that I would just take it all off. I have a small beard trimmer that set on the shortest setting worked great. I would have used a blade, but worried about shaving off the lumpy incision line. Have to say that for a guy that was a real hippie in the 70's with hair down to the middle of my back, this is a real contrast! ;-) I kind of like it and I am getting lot's of compliments on it already.

This is Betsy, one of our dearest friends trimming the few spots that I missed after my audition. When you have a legally blind wife, it is good to have friends wit good vision! We had fun! Thank you Betsy!

I have only a few radiation treatments left with Dec 10th being the last. Should be a good cause for celebration! I am still working 4 - 6 hours, 5 days a week. Some fatigue, but generally the challanges there keep me moving and focused.

The Holidays!!!

Since Thanksgiving is over....I've found myself at a very puzzling place......... How do we do the Holiday Season with this brain cancer experience smack, dab in our lives? My feelings flucuate, dramatically, between thinking that all the hoopla is so trivial and stupid....to trying, desperately, to make this the most meaningful Christmas ever. Most of the time I just walk around in a total fog...looking at all the Christmas stuff in the stores, listening to the beautiful music, unpacking our favorite trimmings and feeling pretty numb and lost. I'm really trying...but I'm finding this all pretty difficult and I'm searching for a way to have it all make sense.

My usual pattern, when I am feeling confused, is to just move frantically....filling up every minute with activity, projects and plans. But brain cancer has been far too life altering for me to let myself get very far in my usual maladaptive solutions to "uncomfortableness". I tried today.....offering to work again, contemplating teaching a class, thinking I should join the "Y", getting many art projects lined up to begin.....but the minute I got home and got quiet I realized that "busy-ness" wasn't going to fix this situation at all.... That for once in my life, I could maybe run real fast....but I couldn't hide!!!! I'm very disappointed that the solution isn't that easy. Tears are very near tonight as I realize that this time I can't ignore what is happening in my life....and that nothing but "sitting with it" is going to fix it. DAMN!!!!!

The truth is....I'm really not doing very well here...and I'm worried that that seems selfish to all of you in comparison to the HORRIBLE things that Richard is going through. Please don't worry....I haven't forgotten, for one minute, the gravity of his situation and the tremendous courage he is showing. I know that he is awesome and amazing. But at this particular time I am finally feeling the subtle, damaging, difficult strain of this very emotional journey that we have been on. And though I look OK on the outside....I'm a trembling mess if you look really close. (Please don't look too close, however! I hate for my weaknesses to show!!!)

I don't really know what else to say about all this.....but it feels important to tell people what it is like. It's such a huge part of the experience.

In drastic contrast from the above.....We're doing Christmas, of course!!! We put up our village and our Christmas tree and it was so much fun. I kept telling Richard to stop and take in the "specialness" of our time together decorating. It was a perfect thing to do and we were both so happy. We were decorating for ourselves, for our children, for our family and for our friends.
And it looks so beautiful!!!! Richard was so happy while we were doing it and couldn't wait to show Emily. He was sosososo cute!!!!

This is a picture I've wanted to include of Richard's Dad, Leo and his Dad's wife Angie. I took it when they were visiting the week before Thanksgiving. Leo and Angie had just gotten done making some delicious peanut brittle (my very favorite thing)!!! I have the most wonderful in-laws.

Blessings to all of you! We love you!

Love Sher

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I've been trying to post all day.....but the preparations and fesitivities of the Holiday seemed to take precedent over everything else! Finally, Richard is snug in bed, sleeping away, and I have a free moment.

I've been thinking about the many angels in our lives. This experience has brought me so many awarenesses...the most significant has been the awareness that my life is richly abundant with beautiful, compassionate, giving people. I am so thankful for our family and friends. We have been touched, over and over, by the generosity and love that has been shown to us. Often, I have felt such "awe" by the grace of all of you. You have truly taught me so much that I will carry with me for years. Mainly...you have shown me how to care and love people at times when they are struggling. I will never forget this gentle lesson that you have demonstrated for me....and I promise....I will "Pass It On".

Of course....I am thankful for Richard's amazing strength...both physically and emotionally. Eventhough he has struggled with his treatments....I am very aware that he is doing remarkably well considering the acuteness of his illness. To say I am proud of my husband seems so silly.... He truly is the most amazing person I know. He has given me so much and I am blessed to be able to stand with him through this experience. He, too, is a gentle teacher....very kind and patient. What seems particularly special, is that he truly sees only the "good" in me....and makes that part of me only stronger.

We were surrounded today by our beautiful children and our Mothers. It was a perfect Thanksgiving!!! I hope that all of you experienced a wonderful and yummy day.

I love you, always!!!

Sherri

Hair Doo

The radiation treatments are starting to catch up with the hair follicles at the areas of entry. This photo shows some of the obvious spots. Good news is that I am over half way through the treatments now. An occasional mild headache and some tiredness from the internal brain swelling are the only real noticeable symptoms from the treatments. Everyone is being so supportive and encouraging. THANK YOU. Have a nice holiday everyone! I have lost an appetite for sweets related to the chemotherapy, but thank goodness I still am loving the salty, fatty foods!.. Bring on the Turkey and dressing!

Love to All!

Richard

Day 12

Today was day 12 of the 40 radiation / chemotherapy treatment schedule. Starting to feel it's effects a little with some headache related to the swelling caused by the radiation and tiredness which comes suddenly. Sherri has been so great encouraging me to slow down, take a nap, rest.. I really love her an am so lucky to have her in my life and here at my side.

I have been working for 3 - 5 hours a day for the past couple of weeks which has been great as I have had time ti pull things together there. I have been there so long and I honestly feel like so many of the staff are practically family!

A Wonderful Weekend!!!

We had a wonderful weekend!!!! On Friday it was Emily's 21st birthday. That is a huge birthday for our young folks and one she has been waiting for for a long time. We started the celebration at her favorite restaurant. There were nine of us in attendance. The food was yummy and it was really fun to watch our "little girl" order her first margarita (mango!)!!! After dinner we came home and had Richard's famous chocolate cheesecake and opened gifts. Then the young people left to take Emily to all the bars in town.

Dana came up for the birthday celebration. I think it is so sweet that Jason (Emily's boyfriend) and Dana accompanied all these giggly girls on their night on the town. I see them as the Protectors!!! Dana reported that Emily had a BLAST!!! Phew....I'm just glad that it is over. As a parent....I really worry about the drinking thing....but so far everyone is safe!!!

For me, the most wondrous part of the evening was eating Richard's yummy chocolate cheesecake. It was delicious.....the kids told Richard that they thought it was the best one ever. He was beaming. It felt significant because he still has the magic touch...and was "able" to make the cheesecake with perfection. I was worried that maybe the cheesecake making part of his brain had been removed in the surgery....but it is still all intact. The cake was awesome!!! He continues to amaze me.

The rest of the weekend was spent eating breakfast with my Mom, spending lots of time with Dana, shopping, seeing Dana's friend Chris, watching TV (a Netflix sit-com that we had rented), and hosting my monthly art group!!! In amongst all this Richard was able to rest and nap and rest some more (he is requiring more resting time). There was a lot of laughter and love surrounding us all weekend.

It means so much to Richard to have his children around him. I, too, enjoy their visits. I love watching their total adoration of their Father. Richard has done such a wonderful job raising his children...and continues to be such a great role model for all our kids (including Alex!!!!). He is an unassuming teacher....very patient, kind, compassionate...yet such a strong leader.

I hope you all have a joyful week. We are beginning ours with a wild wind storm. It's been fun to watch it from our warm little house.

Blessings to all of you,

Love Sherri

The Machine

I am feeling better this afternoon. I worked for 5 hours today which felt good, but a feeling of shakiness continued to follow me around for most of the day. Difficult to describe the feeling.. weak, tired, fuzzy... shaky. I went home at 1:30 and took a nap which helped a lot, then off to my daily encounter with The Machine. This is what I have come to call the radiation machine at the cancer center. It really is am amazing marvel of modern technology that is able to target a radiation beam of prescribed dose and density to an area within a millimeter to the inside of the body. I have also compared it to what it might be like to be captured by the BORG from the television program and movie, "Star Trek". I cannot see with the mask on, but can hear the Machine moving around my head with lots of buzzing, and whirring of micro motors, laser beams crossing my closed eyes, the smell of ionized air.. a very strange experience. I am thankful that the Machine is killing any residual cancer cells that may have been left behind in the area of inflammation around where the tumor was located. I was told though that the treatment would have cumulative side effects.. probably what I was feeling today.

Love to all!

Richard

I still can't believe that CANCER has become part of our world!!!

I am sitting here still in awe of this word Cancer and of how less than two months ago it was not a part of my personal experience whatsoever! How can that be? How can this be happening to such a blessed man? How can this be happening to all of us? We haven't been married long enough. We have not been able to co-parent our children for long enough. OH MY GOD!!! I still have such a hard time believing that this is really happening to us. Isn't that amazing? I'm still in total shock and denial regarding this whole, awful thing.

This journey is so hugely painful for everyone. Tonight, as the darkness settled around us, I could tell that Richard wasn't feeling well. I could see it. I could feel it. I could even smell it. Not that Richard smelled bad....but his "not right" smelled bad. His voice was different. He moved differently. I've learned to just wait....and watch.....and move slowly and quietly.... Sooner or later, as I watch him struggle physically, he always comes to me and lets me know what is happening. It seems like it takes him a while to figure it out and then to put it all into words that I can understand. I'm able to wait for this now. I'm able to respect "his time". It's much different than "my time"....but I can wait.

Tonight we were at Fred Meyer. I could see that he was really tired but he really wanted to go shopping for a few things that we needed. I thought we should go early so we could get home before dinner and then settle down for the evening. He agreed. We shopped. We held hands. But then I got him a cart to hang onto, thinking maybe that would be less tiring. I still was doing all of this in my head, trying to just let Richard be. (I find so much comfort in just being with him. That sounds wierd....but just regular things like shopping with him feels like such an honor. Doing some of our normal things has begun to feel HUGE!!!)

Finally, after a while, he told me he thought we better pick up something for dinner because he was feeling shaky. Then he apologized (he apologized!!!) and said he thought we should get through the check stand and go home because he was feeling shakier. Poor guy...I put my hand on his, as he pushed the cart. We methodically went through the paying ritual and then went home.

It was hard not to scream at all the people who were motoring around picking up things after work....moving quickly and with great determination. Couldn't they tell that my beautiful husband had brain cancer? Couldn't they see how tired he was and how hard he was working? Couldn't they see him struggling to just do something as simple as shopping? God....I just wanted to scream at all of them....like a crazy, raging, mad woman......but I didn't. I moved calmly and carefully....holding Richard's arm the whole time! AMAZING!!!

We finally got home and he ate a little dinner and then just sat in his chair...looking totally lost. I asked him to tell me about how he was feeling. He tried to explain.....shaky, cold to the bone, so tired, so not himself. I covered him up. I rubbed his little shaved head. I took his temperature. I held his beautiful hand. I sat beside him and read a magazine as he closed his eyes. I read my e-mail....checking on him periodically. I sat and read some more. Then at about 8:15 he asked me if I thought it would be OK for him to go to bed. Oh my gosh...my sweet husband...yes.....you can go to bed.......and I helped him take the heavy comforter off the bed and put on a lighter blanket.

I don't think I can ever allow this to become real. I think as long as I treat the cancer as an unwanted visitor I can than keep it from overtaking our lives and taking total control. Richard and I have had to redefine our normal....but redefine it our way....so that cancer doesn't control who we are or who we will become when all this is over with. I know we are both incredibly strong and I know we will get through this....but I'm still in awe that we are the central players in this story...that Richard is the main character and that I am supporting him...using a new language, new props, new backgrounds, new rules. I really can't believe it!!!!

I've rambled on enough for one night. I can hear my family saying that it's time to wrap this one up....but this THING is so powerful.....I just needed you to know. We are totally prepared by the medical folks for nights like these. Richard can't be taking the chemo and radiation without avoiding some horrible side affects. We are ready....it's just the awful part of the journey. No matter what...we continue to be thankful and strong....together.

We love you all!

Blessings,

Sherri

Sometimes it feels like our days get away from us....and by the time that I sit down to write in the blog I realize that I am all "thought" out and that I can't "think through" one more thing. The bottom line is that this chemo/radiation schedule that we are on seems to keep both of us busy and at least I am a little stressed and so writing often doesn't happen. I know there are many people who want to hear about how Richard is doing....I'll try to be more up-to-date with my blog entries. I promise.



It should be no surprise to any of you that Richard is doing fantastic on his chemotherapy and radiation regime. He is feeling great so far (since he started taking Zofran), still has his hair, so far doesn't have any burns or even red skin from the radiation and isn't struggling with fatigue or lethargy. He continues to be smiling, laughing and amazing everyone with his attitude and faith. He is back to work for at least four hours a day and seems to be flourishing with all those supportive, loving people surrounding him.


We both continue to feel blessed by the support of everyone. We have been moved to tears many times as people's kindness touches us. It's hard to believe, sometimes, that so many people care and and are so willing to help us in such beautiful ways. We know that the loving vibrations that continue to surround us will help Richard remain cancer free. We are so thankful for all of our angels.

Thank you Zofran!!!

What a difference a day can make.

Yesterday....poor Richard was sick again with his chemotherapy and was getting no relief from the compazine that had been prescribed for the nausea. We met with Dr. Thompson and he agreed with our research, stating that Zofran was a marvelous drug, but it was VERY expensive ($50 a pill!!!) and often wasn't covered by insurance. He told us that he would ask his nurse to call our insurance company and see if they would cover a month's worth of medication and that she would let us know. Later that afternoon I was able to walk up to Rite Aid and pick up a new script for one tiny Zofran tablet, every day, for a month. Alleluia!!!

Richard had already taken compazine for that day so we decided to begin the Zofran today. Last night was miserable for poor Richard. To put it bluntly....the only thing he ate all afternoon was an apple......and he preceded to throw up that one apple for about six hours. He was horribly sick and angry....and I was horribly aching for him...

But today.....was total heaven!!!! First, Richard returned to work finally after seven weeks. He was warmly welcomed by balloons, presents, his favorite chocolate chip cookies and lots of hugs and well wishes. When he got home he was all smiles...... So happy...... So relieved to be able to do something normal like working for a few hours..... And mostly sosososo touched by all the beautiful angels that he has worked with for many years. He was like a little boy who was sososo proud of a HUGE accomplishment.... And it was huge after everything he has been through. He was at work for just a few hours but it symbolized so much for him...and for me.... It was a step in his recovery and it was wonderful!!!

Soon after he got home we had to begin preparing for the schedule of our chemo/radiation regime.....and frankly.....even after just three days of it.....we were dreading it with very heavy hearts. But I told him, as he took the Zofran, that this was going to make everything totally different and that we had to expect that today was going to be a wonderful day....and guess what?????? It was!!!! He took his chemotherapy, we went to radiation and he did his treatment and he has felt marvelous throughout our entire afternoon and evening. We're both so excited....we just can't believe the difference. We are both doing the Zofran dance!!!! We LOVE this new medication!!!!!

We are feeling very happy tonight. We spent part of the evening with our daughter, beautiful Emily. Richard was so present with us, so tender and sweet. I was so thankful that he was feeling well enough to lead us in a beautiful conversation. The specifics of the conversation isn't important.....but what is awesome is the depth of feeling and love that was shared by the three of us. In the end....we stood together and just hugged for moments....way past normal...and it was a precious time for all of us. Another blessed moment...that maybe without cancer having happened to us...may have just been skimmed over.

Today my sister pointed out to me something very important....She told me that through this experience we all have to remember that it's imperative to make every moment count...... Thank you Jodee for reminding me of that. You were my Buddha....my teacher!!! I love you!!!!!

I love you all!!!!

Blessings,

Sherri