We are full of joy!!!

Well......I've had such a hard time writing recently. We've been so "full" of making so many decisions lately.....but we are seeing everything coming together and expect, soon, to be feeling more settled and less worried about the choices that have been made. In a way, brain cancer has put Richard in a situation where he is forced to stop and ask questions like.....What is really important to me? What do I want my life to look like? Where do I want to put my energy? What does living with health and awareness really mean? Am I making decisions which reflect my priorities, my beliefs and my true desires? These are such important questions. Ones that we all should answer periodically but choose not to because they are so hard and affect so many.

Richard turned in his resignation last Monday........ His decision was excruciatingly difficult and took patience, compassion and love to peel back all the layers that go into such a life changing event. He needed to talk.....talk to family and friends.....talk about his feelings, his thoughts, his dreams, the loss of such a wonderful job, the money, the fear of medical insurance complications, his true medical condition....what he can and can't do as a result of this horrible disease...his fears, his desires....and he needed me to be quiet....and listen (which many of you know is sosososo difficult for me!!!!!).....but on this side of the process....every day he seems more peaceful and settled with his decision. We still have many decisions to make regarding my own health insurance, how to best use what funds we have.....even how to "live" fully....but it is all falling into place.

We are approaching our year diagnosis anniversary..... For Richard and I it seems like it's been so much longer than a year....but for others it seems like very little time has gone by. Regardless, we are all approaching a year with GBM brain cancer with a new sense of who we are, a new appreciation for each other, a new idea of what is important and a strong commitment to live each day fully with love and grace. We have been touched by so many...and continue to be so grateful for all of our friends, our angels, our families,...the medical teams that we have worked with....We are grateful for so much. We live in awe of so much love and support.

I have had the privilege of standing beside an amazing man as he faces such a difficult/scary thing. I have learned so much through this journey and amazingly I have a strong faith that we are "living" a bountiful, full life..... And Richard and I have grown together and have learned to keep walking through this. We've learned a new rythym together...an ease that only comes when you face such a challenge. We've slowed way down, we're way quieter, we're so aware of appreciation, we've learned to notice the details of our life...realizing that for so long we had missed so much.

We've also grown as individuals. Living with something like this cannot help but change your thinking, your beliefs, your priorities, the lens that you see everything through. I believe that I am slowly learning who I really am. I know I am learning how to listen and be more reflective. I know that I have become a better partner....maybe that would have happened without my husband having cancer...but I'm afraid I may have continued my life with the complacency that had settled around me. Looking back, I had become pretty "safe". I had allowed myself to become comfortable....no risking, no challenges, no trying to better myself. Standing beside Richard, being a Wife, a Mother, a Daughter, a Sister, a Friend has all changed dramatically...for the better in so many ways.

Believe it or not....Richard and I laugh so much. It's amazing to me that we can drive down the road and sing at the top of our lungs TV theme songs and giggle like two little kids when we screw up the words. It's incredible that we laugh at each others"wit" and silly comments...at our stories (even ones we've heard a hundred times)! We laugh with our children, with our family, with our friends. I am thankful that humor is still with us.

The past few weeks haven't been ALL serious. We've camped alot in our little R.V. We've seen friends and family. Richard, Emily and Jason had a fabulous sailing experience with the Bellingham Yacht Club and had a blast. And this past weekend we took all three kids, their various boyfriends and girlfriends and our three dogs on a camping trip to Silver Lake. What a gift that was for us. We basked in the glow of these wonderful young adults. They were all amazing. It was a beautiful time, for everyone, but especially for Richard and I. (I will post pictures later this week!)

It's time for bed....We have chemo tomorrow and that is always a long day. Love to you all. At night when I can't sleep I've stopped counting sheep (it never worked for me!!!). Now I imagine all of your faces.....surrounded in bright light....you are smiling and are full of a knowing strength. You are all my blessings. Thank you for being there for us.

Love,

Sherri