Amazing

I know that most of you have read Richard's post from this morning...but all morning I've been hearing our blog calling out and I felt like I wanted to post...but also felt a little frightened to post. Right now, I'm trying desperately to keep my wits about me because I know that we will be continually analyzing lots of information over the next two weeks....and I have to be clear and organized. Also...I know that I want to take loving care of my beautiful husband...be totally present with him, savoring every moment of our time together. That will take alot of emotional energy...energy well spent....believe me....it's an honor to stand beside this man through this experience...but I have to remain strong.

The news, yesterday, was truly devastating for all of us. Listening to the grim details of this recurrence was difficult but the worst part was, of course, telling our children, our families and our precious friends. We were able to move through it....together and we are doing O.K....one step at a time.

As we lay in bed last night....we finally cried. It was so wonderfully horrible.....so perfect. We had kept it together until we were safe...and then finally we were able to hold one another and let our hearts open with the pain and agony that has to be controlled most of the time as we march forward in this war against brain cancer. I don't know if my heart, my mind, my soul, my spirit has every hurt that badly. Now as I write this I really don't know if this pain can even be described at all. But laying, safely, in my husband's arms...I knew that I wanted to be no where else on earth. Even though the pain and sadness was horrible, I knew that by doing this I was going to be fine.....

Humorously....I know I am strong and capable...amazingly so....and I try to be BIG and TOUGH. Sometimes I can get pretty cocky about my strength through difficult situations. But I always have these barometers in my life that seem to keep me in check. I just went in to check my blood sugar before I eat lunch and it was over 400 (normal is 75-100)....oops. In my haste to get to the cancer center this morning...for our last appointment with the clinical trial nurse.....I forgot to give my long-acting insulin injection.....that and the stress make my blood sugars very brittle. HMMMMMM....I can pretend....but I always have reality smacking me in the face. I guess that on some level that is good.

My love today is so very close....love for Richard, my family, my precious friends, my dogs and the cat that really doesn't like me much.....I'm just full of love. I am touched by the care and warmth that is being sent our way....I can literally feel it, deep in my soul. Please take a moment and touch the ones you love this weekend....do it for us!!!! Let our experience remind all of us about the importance of love.........

I am holding you all very near.

Blessings,

Sherri