Today is MRI day!!!

I have been suffering from a horrible case of PMS (pre-MRI-syndrome)....which means...not sleeping well, having trouble with motivation, very emotional, craving fish-n-chips, spending long moments staring at Richard, spending long moments doing absolutely nothing and participating in lots of household wandering. I know it will be over soon....but right now soon can't come fast enough. Richard's MRI is at 3:30 followed by some more bloodwork and then an evening, home together staying as busy as possible.

What a ride!!! That's all I can say. This past month has been more difficult than the others which I know is due to the "enhancement" on the last MRI and the concern that has followed. Richard has been, I believe, feeling more down.....well.....I know he has because he has said so. Maybe we have come to a place of acceptance...especially the acceptance of what a "long" journey this is going to be and an acceptance of the challenge to keep moving forward in the manner that we both want to. Looking back....it has been absolutely exhausting for both of us....but especially for Richard.

I wish that "loving" was enough....if that were so...we both would be sailing through this with ease. But sometimes the fear, the lack of clarity, the inability to make plans, the way this has made us sosososo different from other's....sometimes our love isn't enough.... I've come to accept that nothing will make these moments of struggle easier.....just trusting that it will pass is what gets us through.

Richard is so tired...from the effects of the chemo, the radiation and even,,.still...the brain surgery. He is weak, has lost weight, is mentally weary...and seems to cherish those moments of quiet. But yet I feel his frustration with his lack of stamina...his inability to do all the things he use to do. I try, desperately, to help pick up the slack...so that maybe he won't notice the things that have gone "undone"....but I, too, seem limited these days in the area of energy. He still remains such a teacher.....He sighs...and then reminds me how important contentment is as part of this journey. We've done enough, we have enough, we are enough.......

Pray for Richard today....as he travels into that scary machine....and has his picture taken. I feel you loving us....that is what truly is giving us strength to continue. We love you all....so much......

Love Sherri