It's so hard to believe!!!

I'm really having a difficult time wrapping my head around preparing for another surgery. If I'm having a hard time, I can only imagine what Richard must be feeling. Since we have been through this once.....one would think that it would be easier......but in actuality......I think because we've been through it once it may be more difficult the second time.

Since our appointment with the neurosurgeons....Foltz & Mayberg (I like to think of them like a well trained vaudeville act....I can just see them with their canes and top hats, doing a little tap dance, singing to Richard as he drifts off to sleep)...I've been working on getting everything lined up and ready to go for next week. I felt a little anxious about doing something different than what the oncologist (Dr. Congdon) had suggested....and I finally spoke to him today and went over the plan. He thinks that since the Swedish team sees surgery as the best option it is an opportunity to see exactly what the abnormal tissue is.. He also agrees with the use of the Glidadel Wafers (scary to me!!!) that will be left laying on the tumor site. He explained that it is the only way to get chemotherapy directly on the active area. In addition he said that chemotherapy is delivered 24/7 for about six weeks and that that is an amazing delivery rate. Apparently there are very few side effects and the wafers just dissolve over time. Hmmmmmmmm. Sounds kind of spooky to me for some reason.

Actually I think this all is pretty alarming right about now. I hate it that Richard has to go through another surgery. I hate it that all of our hard work at creating a tumor free scenario did not work. And I'm really disappointed that we all have to be more afraid and shakey. We can do it...and we'll do it well....but I hate it!!!!

There's so much that I want to share....but I lack any sort of emotion right now. Also it seems that my creative button has been turned off today. I know that this is the Universes way of taking care of me....putting me in "efficiency mode" and letting me avoid the pain for a while. I'm glad that the weekend is here. Richard and I need some time to "let go" and relax. That will feel so good.

A side note is that Richard and I are thinking constantly of our friend Helen whose 32 year old daughter died this week. What a horrible thing....I can't imagine. We are keeping her and her family in our prayers. I love you Helen. I am sending you strength, peace and hope. I know that Jen was a very special woman. I am so sorry.

Namaste my friends. I truly love you all.

Love Sherri