Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Snowy Day!


O.K. This picture is a perfect example of what living with brain cancer can do to someone...all you caregivers out there will totally get this....all of you that have spent any time with me lately will also totally get this..... I put these boots on Friday afternoon and went shopping all over with Emily....then she and I picked up Richard and went out for a nice dinner....then we came home and just spent the evening together. I noticed that my toes were hurting a little and couldn't figure it out....until I looked down at the end of the evening and noticed that I had gone around all day with my silly boots on the wrong feet!!!! That is crazy!!!! Emily, Richard and I laughed until we cried......

It is still snowing in Bellingham and it is very cold. It is beautiful but I feel so sorry for all those folks who have to get around in this stuff. Richard and I have the priviledge of just watching the beauty and being in the quiet. We have plenty of food and our various activities and we are perfectly happy. Emily has been an amazing Snow Driver and she's been needing to be very close to her Dad. We are so blessed to have her with us. She makes us laugh, keeps us very busy and helps out in any way that she can.

After our appointment in Seattle last week, we met Richard's Dad and his wife, Angie, at his sister's in Everett. They brought us home and spent a short couple of days with us. It was wonderful to have them. I love both of them so much. My Father died many years ago. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful Father-in-law. And.....he and Richard are so close. It is beautiful, as I have said many times, to watch their tendernesss for one another.


Leo makes fabulous peanut brittle. He shared with us his recipe and we all made a batch together. Richard and I love peanut brittle. He makes it in the microwave and it only takes a few minutes...it's messy but boy it is delicious!!!! Richard has to hide it from me because I can't stop eating it. I literally hear it "calling my name".

Friday, while Emily and I were shopping, we both were feeling so awful....absolutely not in the Christmas spirit. We found ourselves wandering the stores, crying and boo-hooing together. Then we boo-hooed through dinner and then at home that night. Even Richard did his share of crying. It felt good to be honest about how we were feeling. We allowed ourselves release the pain and sadness that seems to build up so easily.

We hardly ever let this happen. Really...most of our days are spent in a very positive way. But I don't look at this "group cry" as a horrible thing to do at this point. I think this is just part of the journey. It is vital to be honest about how we are feeling and to allow our children the time to grieve with us. Being sad is another important skill that parents teach their children. It is just as important as courage, love, responsibility.

There are other things that are happening within our family that also have made us feel sad. Emily has just moved into her own apartment and has decided to change her relationship with Jason. It has been such a painful transition for her and for him. We love Jason. Richard and I feel sad and miss him horribly. He is a special man. Richard and I also really miss Alex and Dana. Alex is still working on Orcas but he won't be with us this Holiday time at all.....today is his birthday.....He will be working through Christmas. Dana has been in Mexico for the last week and we have really felt his absence. They'll both be with us soon but we really missed them on Friday night.

It is a hard time for us right now. We are in libo until we see Dr. Congdon tomorrow. What I know is that we still can't believe this is happening. Friday night we met at the end of our bed and just held each other. We had just gotten done brushing out teeth, etc.....our usual bedtime routine....and we just stood there, hanging onto one another. I said, "I still just can't believe that there may be a time when we are not doing this routine together every evening". Richard said he was struggling with that disbelief also. After a year and a few months....and so much in between....you think it would have sunk in. But it still seems so unreal.

However....it has been a year and some months of wonderful blessings and wonderful times. Richard and I have been together almost every day during this time....and we are continuing to make memories. I've gotten to know him so much better...his wisdom, his grace, his compassion, his love, his goodness. I have fallen so much more deeper in love with him. Any time that we spend with our children, our family, our friends is truly surrounded by a golden light. We are full of such joy just to be with all our loved ones. I believe we have learned what it means to be grateful for every minute. That is a wonderful gift.

We love you all so much. I will write as soon as I can after our doctor's appointment tomorrow. We are sending you love and blessings.

Love Sherri

4 comments:

deb did it said...

The boot picture is hilarious and I am laughing out loud. Thank you Sherri for bearing your heart,soul and backwards feet to us all. You, Richard and Emily are being held by the Angels tonight, for safe journey to Seattle. And blessings to each and every member of your family, wherever they may be tonight.

Anonymous said...

We loved the boot picture...it is such a Sherri moment under the circumstances...

My dear friends, how I love the way you honor your feelings for one another; allowing tears of grief to bring you together. Having just lost my Father only days ago, I can totally relate to your need to share those tears as a vital part of the grieving process. Reading your words this evening know I too share your tears, your angish but also have been truly blessed to bare witness to the love you openly share with each other and with your friends. We are with you albeit not physically due to my own grief but also because of the sketchy road conditions. It is my sincere hope we will get to share more memory making days with you very soon. Love to you both.

Joanne and Kevin

Anonymous said...

I'm wishing and praying that you will make the trip to and from Seattle safely--and that the dr appt will be ok. That sounds so wimpy-the dr visit will be ok-but what can one say other than you're in my thoughts and prayers--I gave up a long prayer to the heavens today to keep you safe on your journey. Please remember to keep your shoes on the correct feet-keep those footsies in good health!!

Love, Lisa A.

Anonymous said...

oh oh you wonderful two people--

you are so much in my hearts and hopes-- i care so much, love you both so much....

if every snowflake is a prayer for richards continuing health let's keep the snow coming and let it keep us blanketed in it's hope--

i lvoe you both--