Six Months......

Sometimes it feels like time is standing still and then sometimes it feels like it is rushing by. I feel stronger these days...less fragile...and less like I might burst out crying if someone stares at me. I miss Richard even more, I think. The permanence of him being gone forever seems to go deeper every day. I'm still often lost, not sure if I can find my way. I feel Richard near me alot. I feel him encouraging me and reminding me of my strength, my love and my compassion. He is still teaching me and loving me. It is comforting to know that no matter what, I will always be married to him...forever...... I also know that Richard doesn't want me to be in pain or to not get back into "life"....but believe me....this is hard.

Richard believed in the power of creative energy and thinking. He believed that, simply, in a world that often makes us feel powerless, using our creative minds is the most positive way to promote change. I use to tell him about the energy of my "play art classes" and how when I had six people playing, smiling and making beautiful art I felt such a power. Often I would comment that when working in my own studio I sometimes felt like I was connecting with others who were creating at the same time. He believed in the collective consciousness and he wanted to do something to add to the worlds creative energy.

So....we finished the outside art studio. It's a beautiful place and he worked so hard on it. He wanted to run classes out there...spiritual, my art classes and also let other's use the space to teach their own classes. It was a dream of his.....one that was on track..... But then Brain Cancer hit and well....you know the rest of the story.

I've been thinking alot about that space. I've been thinking about ways I could honor Richard's memory.....And I've decided to fulfill his dream of using the studio for teaching art. Since I'm not really ready to take on such a huge project....I've asked two other artists to join me. We are calling the space the Sparrow's Nest (Richard used sparrow in alot of his passwords) and our kick off celebration will be on September 18-20 with a women's retreat. It's exciting and it feels so right.

After our first meeting, one of the women that I am working with, Deborah, and I were going to dinner. We parked her car and started walking to the restaurant. She told me to look down and there walking on the ground beside me was a little bird. It walked with me to the restaurant and then flew away. I asked Deborah what kind of bird she thought it was and she replied, "A Sparrow"!!!!!! We both got cold chills. I don't need anymore clarification that Richard thinks this endeavor is a fabulous idea.

So......these next few months will be the creation of this program. I'm feeling excited and a little scared....because it feels huge. Tracy Vandermay and Deborah Moskowitz are the other two artists who are joining me. Tracy works primarily in the area of bead weaving and bead embroidary....but she also does alot of work with fiber. Deborah teaches "soul collage" and also teaches decorative goard making and basket weaving. They are two fabulous artists and two wonderful friends. They both are willing to help me make this happen and for that I am eternally grateful.

See....I haven't just been sitting around crying all day....I've been doing some of my own art, planning and dreaming about the Sparrow's Nest, walking the dogs, going to my usual bizillion doctor's appointments, going our a little and learning, in small tiny steps, how to live "onely". My heart is full and that feels wonderful!!!

Blessings,

Sherri

P.S. My step-daughter, Emily, just told me that I had counted wrong. The first title said seven months.....but its really only been six months. Sometimes I'm still acting pretty nuts. I've learned not to get scared when I do whacko things....I guess its part of the process!!!!! On Aug. 11th Richard will have been gone six months....it feels like forever. I miss you so much!!!!