What to do?

It's been such a long time since I have posted. Honestly I haven't known what to do with this blog....should I continue this journey? Should I go back to my old blog....where I tried to me my artistic self? Is this journey completed? Do I have anything of value to say?

Today I went to the Farmer's Market and a dear woman came up to me and held me in her arms with wonderful warmth. When we moved apart she looked into my eyes and I looked into hers for a long silent moment. Where I am right now, it is dufficult to look people in the eyes; however doing so seems like part of the healing process. I am only going to heal from a soulful wisdom...it is difficult to find that in myself or through others without a connection....a true meeting. Lately I've been trying to see the little dots in the pupil of people's eyes, often right around the iris....When I see those little specks of darkness I know I am close to their soul, there true spirit. I know I am present and paying attention...and that I am taking the time to connect. Anyway...she thanked me for our blog and told me how much it meant to her. I was deeply touched...deeply.... I admitted to her that I really didn't know what to do with the blog at this point. I heard myself tell her, with clarity, that by no means do I believe that Richard's and my journey with brain cancer is over. The words amazed me....but I said them. And then I said that this part of the journey seems worthy of sharing however at times it is very dark and grim. She commented that it seems so important.

I guess that the answer came to me then. The blog must continue for a while longer. Our story is not done yet. These last four months have been as huge as the months of dealing with chemo and radiation...different... But still part of the same journey. I feel like this part is important. This part bears witness to the entire experience of cancer and of losing someone whom you love so deeply. For these reasons I will continue....

There are many reasons that I have hesitated, but the main reason is the dark places in my mind where those horrible negative tapes keep playing. Who would want to hear this part? Why whine here in public? Why expose such a private time in my life? You are so dramatic....always thinking that it's about you....well it isn't.....it's about Richard? Why are you choosing to do it this way? Other's will judge this as self-indulgent. Those tapes are vicious....and in the midst of pain it is difficult to control the off button. But you know....for all of us who hear similar tapes....I believe that they must be turned off in order to grow and, for me, in order to love.

So, my friends....here we go..... The next chapter..........

Blessings for now,

Sherri