Some Moments in Time

I just have to tell you about some beautiful things that I experienced today. They felt very significant and amazing. I love it when things like this happen.

I was walking home from a doctors appointment today. It was beautiful and sunny. It had rained earlier so the sun was a surprise for me. I didn't have the dogs with me because I had gone to the doctor. If they were with me this probably never would have happened. The Universe works everything out....it always does.

It had been a "missing Richard" morning. I've been having less of these but today my heart felt broken and the tears were just laying on my eyes...ready to spill over at any moment. I miss him for so many reasons; but on days like today it is the little things I miss....the daily living that we did together....like drinking coffee together, like talking quietly in the morning, like getting showered and dressed together. I miss those moments of normal living a great deal. Now I do it alone...and some days it is really hard.

Anyway on my way home I was still missing him deeply. Walking through the park I had remembered some special times we had spent there. I missed hanging onto his arm or holding his hand. I always use to point out little things and he would act all excited....I don't know if he was but he always acted that way and it made me so happy. He always warned me about the roots on the trails so that I wouldn't trip. Poor guy...he hated it when I fell. Now I do my own root watching....

I guess I was talking about all this in my head....aching....but continuing to move forward in my "onely" march. All of a sudden I looked up and there were two big beautiful butterflies fluttering toward me. They looked like they were dancing. It was truly amazing. They twirled around each other, silently, moving their wings. The sun hit their majestic colors and they twinkled as if glittered with magic. I stopped and just stood and watched and the butterflies danced around me for moments, showing me their abilities to so show their wonderful performance. Obviously they had been practicing together for a long time because they anticipated each other's moves. They were partners, dancing and loving in the sun.

I knew that Richard had sent me those beautiful butterflies. They demonstrated, so eloquently, a very precious love. The love was obvious, yet it was quiet and sure. That's how our love was.....obvious....but quiet and sure. I was deeply moved by the moments and felt so grateful to be part of that magic. I knew Richard was standing beside me, watching with a matching wonderment.....I felt him there.

Tonight as I let Mali out I stayed on the deck. She's become weird about going outside alone so I often just stand on the deck and listen and watch the happenings of the approaching night as she scouts around for the perfect place to pee :). Tonight my eyes immediately went to the beautiful, huge trees that surround our property. With the silver sky of dusk the trees appear very black....giant silhouettes. Tonight all seemed still but as I stood there, one huge tree began to sway with the wind....back and forth, back and forth. The other trees seemed to stand still....but this one beautiful tree kept up its rhythmic movement. Then I heard the sound of the wind blowing through the tree's leaves and branches. It was like a soft whisper, a tune, but one just for me. It was an awesome few moments.

Again....I believe that Richard was letting me know that he is still with me...always.... I just have to pay attention. He was always a subtle man....he moved softly and when he played his guitar it always sounded so beautiful....similar to the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves of the tree. He was such a gentle man....just like the movement tonight that I saw in that one tree. I feel so thankful that I payed attention to these special moments.