Home Again!!!

We finally arrived home on Wednesday evening and we still don't feel quite caught up. We are feeling our way around a new routine, new limitations and trying desperately to take care of the house, the yard, the pets, the bills etc. It's amazing to me how life outside of "us" seems to continue even though we have been so isolated and so stuck...it feels like we have alot to do.

Richard is very weak and seems to tire easily. His pain is being managed with the pain regime he is on....although, at times, there seems to be break through owies!!! He's so good about letting me know and we get it covered and soon he's OK again. He can tell you anything there is to know about Obama and Clinton and is a weather whiz by now....CNN is usually on in the background and at times can hold his attention with its chatter. He's also reading a great book and that has been a blessing.

He's getting two different medications which are delivered once daily through his PICC line. Between both of us we are able to get it done. The whole thing takes about a hour. He also is giving himself an injection to thin his blood....because of the nasty little blood clots that seem to gather around his PICC lines :(!!! Of course there are various medications being given and the challenge of getting the man to eat.......but that is our "medical" routine...........I can see us getting it all down...smoother and smoother as time goes on. We were trained well at the hospital and by a "home health nurse" that visited us yesterday. She will come every Thursday to change the PICC dressing and to check on Richard's health status.

The new news....and probably the hardest for us to take....is that through two MRIs that were taken to assess the status of the infection....a new tumor was found behind the surgery site of the prior three craniotomys. We still are in such shock considering that his last MRI was four weeks ago...but we both know that this is how the GBM works.....when a cancer cell matures it is fast to make a new tumor. This growth is small....and is located in a place that if operated on will take away Richard's left peripheal vision.....so because of that and also because of the current infection he is not considered a good surgery risk. The recommendation is that we begin a new type of chemotherapy called Avastin/CPT 11 as soon as possible....we have an appointment with our oncologist in Everett on Monday afternoon and will know more then. If, by the time we replace the new plate over his surgery site (about 10 weeks away), a current MRI shows no change, then they will go in and remove the tumor.

Phew....that's alot to digest....no wonder I don't know what day of the week it is or how to spell "the". My heart breaks for my beautiful husband, our children, our family and our friends who have been praying so hard for a different type of result. My heart is breaking for me too.....I'm not that amazing!!!! I'm scared, I'm sosososo disappointed, I'm tired, I'm frozen, I'm angry, I'm hurting, I'm trying to just hang on and not let myself totally fall apart......maintaining through the grace of the Universe and the energy that is being sent our way.

Richard is staying strong. He has had his moments of despair....but I see that as a positive thing and I'm honored to be there with him when those times come. The hardest part is to just sit and "be" with him....there is no way I can make it better. I can only listen and hold his hand and "be". For those of you that know me.....that is sosososo hard. I can usually fix anything.....but this beast seems very difficult to tame.

Our time together is precious. Our dogs were so happy to see us. What a "Welcoming" we had. They still are sticking very close to us. They are the constant healers in our life.....always there to pet and to give that eyeful look.....loving us no matter what illness may come visiting. Our family and friends are absolutely amazing.....everyone helping, praying and supporting us so perfectly. We are strong because of all of you. You are our angels......all you do for us is so appreciated.

Blessings,

Sherri