Please send Richard good thoughts!!!!

I feel badly that I haven't kept everyone up to date during this past week.....but things have been very difficult....and time has been in short supply. I will tell you our story now....and apologize right away for how choppy it all may come out.

After our wonderful Father's Day I noticed that Richard started looking more tired and seemed very lethargic. On Monday I watched him very closely...it's funny....at first I always think I'm the one that is going crazy or that my artistic, dramatic spirit is taking over and making really big things out of nothing...but he definately seemed "far away". He went to bed very early that evening and as I tucked him in he told me that he just didn't feel right. (Oh Great....he was noticing it too!!!) In the morning, when he still seemed to be having a difficult time waking up and began slurring his speech a little...I called the surgeon's office and spoke to one of his assistants. We had an appointment in Seattle on Wednesday to see the infectious disease doctor and so they told me to bring Richard earlier in the morning and they would check him out.

Emily went with us...and Richard slept all the way down. The walk from the garage to the doctor's office seemed like forever. We saw the surgeon's assistant, she asked her one million questions and Emily and I tried to describe to her what our concerns were. Richard was barely talking...other then to say he just needed to sleep. She said she would talk to the surgeon and that he may want to take an MRI and that she would call us on our cell phones if he wanted to do a scan that day. I left the office feeling sort of stupid....and Emily was angry and frustrated.

Dana met us at the Infectious Disease doctor's appointment and as we were waiting for the doctor Richard again fell asleep and was totally disengaged with our conversations. The kids were scared and I was incredibly anxious. When we finally saw the doctor I told him that I needed an advocate and that I felt like something horrible was going on with Richard. Richard tried to talk to him but it was obvious that he was struggling. Dr. Cairins made some calls and within 15 minutes we were back at the surgeon's office getting some attention.

The minute Dr. Foltz saw him he suggested that Rick stay overnight and that they take an immediate MRI and so some bloodwork to determine what was going on. To make a very long story a little shorter....basically after running all the tests....we were told the next morning that Richard's tumor had gotten much bigger and that surgery, at this point was not an option because of one arm of the tumor that reaches into a critical area for motor movement. After an examination the doctor determined that the tumor had already grown into the vision area of the brain and that Rick's left peripheal vision was totally gone. The symptoms that Richard was experiencing was from the swelling around this mass and the doctor began Richard immediately on steroids that would help with the swelling.

Later that day Dr. Foltz met with Richard, Pam (his wonderful sister) and I and it was decided that the next day (Friday) we would go to our oncologist in Everett and begin Avastin/CPT 11 (a chemo used typically for colon cancers...but that have recently been used with great success for treatment of breast and brain cancer) immediately. We were scheduled to begin that chemo in early July beause of the staph infection.....but the infection looked like it was under control and the doctors were suggesting that we not wait.

We were all devastated. I really can't even begin to describe how we were feeling...mainly numb and in deep shock. None of us expected this sort of vicious attack from this cancer and we were totally shocked. Pam and I moved into our efficient mode and contacted family and shared the grim news. Richard got pumped full of the mighty steroids which almost immediately made him feel better. We sat and waited for the next attack to begin.

Unfortunately when we arrived at our oncologist's office in Everett we were met with the horrible news that our insurance company had not OK'd the Avastin/CPT 11 treatment. Dr. Congdon explained that even he had called our insurance companies medical director but no one was calling them back. Again....another moment of total devastation and let down. I immediately called Richard's work and told them about our dilema and they began attacking from their end while Dr. Condon's office continued their attack. Meanwhile Richard, Pam and I got our "chemotherapy counseling" and "infusion room" tour and Richard got yet more blood work taken care of. Dr. Congdon scheduled Richard for having his port-a-cath (a permanent port put into a large vein near his heart that will make it so Richard doesn't need to be poked every time they need blood or everytime they need to give him anything...the vein is also big enough and strong enough to handle the toxicity of the chemo he'll be getting) put in early Monday morning and then his first round of chemotherapy will happen that afternoon. As we left Dr. Congdon's office....Richard's work called and his boss had spoken to the owner of the medical insurance company and everything was OK'd and the doctor was being notified. Alleluia!!!!

Phew....What a story......and phew what a nightmare for my poor husband. We still can't believe that this is happening. I don't know what we've been thinking but basically I think we've been working so hard to "beat" the statistics of GBM cancer that we NEVER allowed our minds to really go there and stay with the negative thoughts for very long. It seems like now......we are being forced to look at the vicious strength of this disease and raise the fight even higher than we have been. Richard and I are prepared to continue fighting with as much resolve and energy as possible. We are also so committed to making each moment full with attention and being. It is time....time for us to gather our family and friends around us and to remember all the many blessings that touch us throughout our days.

This weekend has been miraculous. Friday night Emily and Jason came over and we sat and hugged and cried and laughed and then hugged and cried and held hands and talked, talked, talked. It was hard but even hard has it's gracious parts and those are to be treasured. I watched my step-daughter grow that night....as she described her feelings, her fears, her love for her Dad. It was beautiful.

Yesterday we had a band of angels show up to do yard work with us. Oh my gosh!!!! In just a few hours our yard was transformed into the most beautiful place for Richard and I to look out on. What a wonderful gift for us!!!! It was amazing to just be surrounded by such love and giving. It felt so awesome. Thank you so much!!!

Wendy.....our beautiful friend....brought us many yummy meals (she has been providing food since this whole thing began) for our freezer. Cooking has been so hard for me (I don't get why.....but even boiling water seems challenging at this point). Wendy has always provided us with yummy treats to eat. She is amazing....and a fantastic cook.

Richard's Dad, Leo, is here now. He will take us to Everett in the morning and will come home with us tomorrow afternoon to help me with Richard. He is a dear man. Richard's Mom, Fran,will continue to do pet sitting while we're gone. Both of these people are in so much pain watching their son struggle. They have supported us so perfectly. The love and tenderness that they have approached this crisis with is beautiful to watch.

Please send Richard thoughts of strength and healing. He is strong....but he is sososo tired. He needs all of us joinging hands and gathering around him....covering him with healing wishes. I feel you all out there...your energy has held me up....and has provided me with a calm place to rest. Thank you!!!!

Blessings,

Sherri