Hello to ALL our ANGELS!!!

Man....our days totally seem to fly by!!! I feel badly that I don't get to the blog more often but we seem so busy and by the end of the day when I have time....I'm often "spent" and drained. Such is life with a brain tumor (however we both feel like we are living with a much smaller brain tumor these days...ALLELUIA!!!! Our positive thinking has returned). Sometimes...well actually often....I feel like asking CANCER to move over just a little bit or at least squinch down to a more manageable size. Right now it feels like living with cancer is like living with the Good Year Blimp in your living room. It's just so huge...I sometimes wonder if there is room for Richard and I and it in our house. Cancer also seems to make clocks move faster. Our days are spent totally taking care of the details that cancer brings with it....and phew...it can be exhausting. But the good news....We ARE learning to LIVE with this horrible disease... slowly...one step at a time!

The big news this week is regarding our decision to apply for Social Security Disability. I've walked through this same walk with my own health issues (another "hit" that the Universe had been preparing me for this experience way long ago....hmmmmmm!!!) and I knew that it was a horrendous process. Our decision to apply came during the last three months of hospitals, doctors, bad news, Richard beginning a new chemotherapy regime and his worrying about returning to work and when. We decided that we needed to at least apply and give Richard some options. Applying for disability has felt like a part of the journey that we needed to responsibly do. Our goal remains to be that Richard will return to work as soon as the oncologist says that he can. Until then....He is practising patience and moving through the process (not an easy thing for this hard working man). The next MRI is scheduled to be in a few weeks. At that time, we will see how he is doing.

About two weeks after our interview we were notified by Social Security and told that Richard had been awarded full Social Security Disability. I guess brain tumors are an automatic for those folks (so is blindness......). It can't begin until five months after his last day of working.....so Richard has some time to think about what he is capable of doing. But NOW he has options and options feel good.

Even facing this decision regarding returning to work seems like such a possible loss for us. Richard absolutely loves his job and hopes that he will be able to return. We both love the people who work there and they've been Richard's support group for over 16 years. Initially he nursed nights and then currently he is working as the Medical Records Director. He finds all parts of his job fascinating and misses it horribly. I don't think he has even begun to figure out how to wrap his mind around the idea of not working. Thank God we have time on our side right now and no absolute decision needs to be made.

We were both very sad initially....but as the week has gone on we are trying to face this part of the journey without holding onto too much bitterness, anger and fear. That's the hardest part. Each new thing feels so horrifyingly strange. It feels like a huge gut wrenching shift in our reality and we become breathless and overwhelmed. But we are strong....and we are learning that grieving is O.K. and part of this whole thing. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!

I wanted to share some family pics from last weekend...just to show you that everything isn't dark and serious around here ALL the time. Dana, Emily and Jason spent some wonderful time with us and we had a blast. Richard and I both love having our children near us. We miss Alex....he can't come off Orcas very often to see us......but he's always is with us in spirit. Friday evening we had a wonderful dinner and on Sunday we had our traditional peanut butter pancakes for breakfast. Sunday afternoon some of Dana's wonderful frends came to visit which was really great. Richard loves just hanging out!!!!

This other picture is of Richard and Alyn (a man who bought Richard's bike). Alyn's wife bought him the bike for his 60th birthday. We first met them a couple of weeks ago. When they first saw the bike they both got tears in their eyes. Richard truly loved that bike. He loved every trip he took on it....especially the ones with his Dad. His various rides were always special and gave him such enjoyment. Initially I was so sad about him selling this big toy....but he explained to me that it had very little to do with his brain tumor. He just felt like he was done with using it as much as he should. He wasn't nterested in doing anymore long trips....and so he felt it was time. After we met Alyn (a nurse) and his wife, Colleen....we just knew it was the right decision. It felt wonderful!!!!!

Well......that's it from our house. Thank you to everyone who has visited Richard and I this week. It means so much to us to have company....and it is so good for Richard to have people, physically, in his life. I'm darling and everything.....I can even be quite entertaining.....but he must get a little bored with just me all the time. We love company.....just call first to make sure that he's feeling O.K. We love you all.....all of you!!!!!! I feel your light shining all around us.

Until next time....blessings to you and yours!

Love Sherri