I remembered some things regarding my previous sermon that I had forgotten. I woke up remembering....don't you love that when your brain keeps working as you sleep...now that is a miracle!!!! I promise....this will be short(er)!!!!!
I don't think that we get the "why" this is happening thing until we have a true understanding or grasp of the huge picture. I suspect that that may occur after we have left this earthly place (gasp....breathless.....already feeling the huge loss). I think it takes the understanding of the beyond to even begin to see and truly understand why some of these horrible things happen to such wonderful people like Richard.
But we both can see how our entire lives....things have happened which have prepared us for this moment. There seems to have been a gentle hand guding us in so many ways toward this experience. I don't believe we chose this moment....NO WAY....but I do believe that in such an loving way....we've been acquiring the necessary tools to possibly get through the "how" of this part of the journey....(me being challenged by my own health issues my entire life has given me an unique understanding of the medical end of all of this ...hospitals, talking to doctors, understanding medications, procedures, caregiving..., meeting one another when we did and coming together with a strong yearning for a deep, meaningful relationship, having our wonderful time in our magic house on the hill...but being able to sell it when we did and finding our true wonderland here on East Maplewood, coming together and co-parenting with a strength and love that I believe has given all of our children a solidness...a strong core, our similar beliefs and spiritual foundations....arrived at in totally different ways....and mine is still developing...but our beliefs are strong.....etc.......). Richard told me once....that whether I understand it or not my entire life has prepared me for this moment. As Cancer unfolds in my life I'm beginning to see that I am prepared for what it brings. I may be kcking, screaming and crying all the way....but I am ready.
And lastly....the only way that I can believe any of this is because of trust and faith. I trust my spiritual being and my beliefs because I see them working throughout every moment of my day. It is only with trust that I can hold Emily in my arms as she cries with sadness about what is happening to our family that I can promise her that we will make it and that we will be OK (I'm still learning about the "how" we're going to make it....but I believe we will be OK). It's only through faith that I am able to hold my husband, feel the way our bodies fit together, feel his heart beat with mine, and believe that we will make it through this. It is only through trust that we have decided to face this horrible thing head on. Through trust and faith we have begun to, during our sane moments, that we have begun to let go of the "why" of all of this.
OK...ENOUGH.... Now maybe I can go crawl back into bed for a few more moments of sleep beside my beautiful husband. Thank you for hanging in there with me.
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4 comments:
Sherri, Beautiful words and I am with you my friend all the way. The incredible peace is deeply felt beause of trust and faith!!!!!!!!!!!It will be OK it truly will be OK. Love to you and Richard, healing prayers and positive energy filling the skies heading to Washington. Michele
The grounding effect you have on me is cherished, Thanks!!!!!!!!!
Love you so much Sheri..Kein prays for you & your family every nite Richard. Are the birds using the bird bath?
Your friend forever ,
Tracy
Sherri,
I just came over to check on you and Richard. You have hit the nail on the head and so beautifully!
You don't know me; I've posted here once before when Richard needed encouragement!
My sister also has GBM diagnosed 11/07. I'm so thankful for the "bigger picture."
There is a book that I've read called "Why?" by Anne Graham Lotz. She describes our "Whys" also.
Be blessed my friend and know that Richard, as well as you and your family are being prayed for.
Cheryl
A train speeds through the black night, headed for its destination. Leading the way is a single head light - a golden stream of consciousness. Because this light does little more than show the tracks a few ties ahead, the conductor must trust the train is headed the right direction. In turn, the sleepy passengers trust the conductor. But sometimes, it is out of his hands and the train hits a snag or lets its human baggage off at the wrong stop. The hapless souls stagger around in the pitch black hoping to find something familiar - something that makes sense. Some will rail against the conductor; others will trip, fall and refuse to get up; still others will join hands, reach out and find their way together. This is my way of making sense of the darkness that has settled in your life. Your words Sherri are that train light. Thank you for leading the way.
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