We have been told by Hospice that it will not be long before this journey is over. I knew that we were at this point...but hearing it brought it deep into my being. I am afraid and yet I feel determined to remain strong for Richard. My only wishes are for him to be totally comfortable and for our family to have the closure that everyone needs. I feel as thought Richard and I have said all there is to say between us on this earthly plain...I know how he feels about me and I know he feels my love and committment. I also know that this will not be the end of our communication....it will be different but we still we feel each other's love forever more. I know I will see him often....in the beauty around me, in his children's eyes, in the sunshine, in the dahlias that we grew together...and I believe he will be a part of me forever....guiding me, believing in me, proud of my accomplishments.
I have been blessed in many ways in my life....but my biggest blessing will always be the time I have spent with Richard A. Estes. He has helped me become a better person. He has tenderly shown me my best self. And he has believed in me totally and without hesitation. He has loved me as I have never been loved before. I feel honored to be his partner....it truly has been my most meaningful role.
Richard has slipped into a place that I believe is between two worlds. He has said that it is a fuzzy place.... I know that he is prepared to move from this world to another. I know his transition will be warm, peaceful and full of light. He will be surrounded by those who love him and are waiting to stay by his side as he moves into a new reality. I believe, and I know he does to, that he is about to find his true spiritual essence. God will come to him and he will be whole.
This is excruiating for me and for all of us. The pain is intense...so real and massive that I often question whether I can bear it. This is the hardest thing I have ever done....but I know that I must open my arms, take a deep breath and let him go...with love and gratefulness.
How will I make it? I truly have no idea. Will I be able to bear the pain? I'm not sure. But my beliefs tell me that this is all part of my own spiritual journey. I need to honor Richard's and my time together. I must take time to pay deep attention to my heart, to love and to my own compassion. Only then will healing begin.
Please pray for us. There are many of us...all trying to do something that is very foreign and do it with grace, love and respect. Pray that we can all find the way to join together and gain strength from our unity. Pray that we can remember Richard's love for us and his peace and courage. His light shines over us all.
Please take care of yourselves and your loved ones. You are all important pieces of the puzzle that is Richard's life.
Blessings,
Sherri
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18 comments:
Dear Sherri,
I am so deeply saddened to hear that RIchard is ready to go........i am so very sorry. He is a lovely spirit - i know how much joy he has brought into your life.
Please know that my love, thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.
Love, Violette xoxo
One thinks that they are prepared for this moment, but no one ever can or will be. Blessings to Richard and his loving spirit that I have come to know through your words and pictures and blessings and prayers to all of you during this sososo sad time. I know how much you love him and how many miles you've travelled to meet and have the joy of having Richard in your life.
I love you,
Lisa A.
Sherri, I am so sorry this is happening. I cannot tell you how many times a day I pray for you and Richard - He will never truly leave any of us - his presence here has made this a much more beautiful world. I am here for you whenever you need me for whatever reason. I love you very much.
Sherri,
I always astonishes me how more real something becomes after I "hear" it aloud. You are an amazing woman with an amazing husband, and I'm so sorry your life paths had to include all the brain tumor stuff. I continue to hold you, Richard, and all the others in my heart and prayers.
with much love,
Trueda
Goodnight Richard. love, Deb
I'm Gone now, but I'm still very near.
Death can never separate us.
Each time you feel a gentle breeze,
It's my hand caressing your face.
Each time the wind blows,
It carries my voice whispering your name.
When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly,
Think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place.
When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face,
It's me placing soft kisses.
At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly.
I'm one of those stars and I'm winking at you and smiling with delight.
For never forget you're the apple of my eye.
-- Mary M. Green
Prayers are being lifted up to the creator, Jesus Christ.
Love, Pam
Sherri, I have been reading your blog since you and Richard started this journey...and have been so moved by your vulnerability and strength and eloquance in sharing and reflecting on the pain and growth you and your family have experience this past year. Though I have not been a physical presence in your life through this, but I wanted you to know that I pray for all of you often and will continue to pray for you in the changes and challenges ahead. What an amazing life-altering journey this has been for you and Richard and your family...thank you for sharing. Love, Malia
sherri-may God give you all the strenghth you each need to get through today moment by moment.
My love & prayers are with you so often...
-tracy v.
oh sweet sherri--
what to say.....
you have loved, and will continue to love richard well, you have held him in your heart and in your arms, and now are ready to send him on his path to the next wonderful adventure of his....
you, my friend, have been an incredible gift to him, and will continue being an incredible gift to all of us....
my heart breaks for you, and yet rejoices in your strength--
and yet.... crying, raging, whining, complaining... you also have every every every right in the world to do all of these....
and for your own health SHOULD do all of these.... they also show strength!!
i love you sherri-- and am thinking of you every moment....
Dearest Sherri,
It's never really Good-bye, my friend, but merely a see you later, when again your souls will be re-united. You and Richard are soul mates and no amount of separation can part the two of you; while it'll be painful it IS temporary.
Our hearts go out to you now and always!
love
Joanne and Kevin
It’s so hard to let go of one we love…
We’re keeping you wrapped in warm, loving light, and sending you strength.
Helen & John
Sherri and Richard - My prayers are with you. The love you share will live forever.
Lyn
I am deeply saddened to hear about Richard, but I know how deep and rich and loving this time with him has been. My heart and prayers are with you, Richard, and your family.
Hugs sweetie,
Deb
Sherri,
I have started this post 5 times in hope of finding some words capable of slaying this demon dragon and rescuing you and Richard. Sadly, nothing seems even remotely sufficient. You are never far from my thoughts and I hope you know how much your honesty and spirit shine in this dark time.
Sherri and family,
Your journey with Richard will never be over. Richard will live thru all that have known, loved and appreciated his spirit, honesty, sweetness and smile. I am sure you will always feel him with you.
PEACE be with you all.
Dearest Sherri and Richard,
though we are far from you now, we
feel so close. i am holding your hands as you hold each other and as your loving friends and family remember the sweetness of your time together here...christopher and i will be quiet and listen. i believe
the stars will tell us when the journey starts. we love you both.
Karen and Chris
Richards loving spirit and spiritual light have been an inspiration to all of us. I love knowing what he will live in our hearts forever. I truly prayed that these last days would never come, but alas they are here. We have hugged, cried and shared so much during Richards illness. I will continue to be with you as you continue your journey. You are loved by so many people who want to help you along the way. It will be a new and different kind of life, but do not fear, Richard will be with you always. You have more strength and courage than anyone I know.
Blessings, Janelle & Jack
Dear Sherri and family,
My love, thoughts and prayers go out to you today. May your fatigue be eased so you have the energy to focus on the important things right now.
love,
Trueda
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