Only a month? The "WHY" arises again.

Up at 6:15 Am as usual this morning. Funny how much routines play a part in our lives.. I sit down with a cup of fresh roasted coffee, look at the calendar and surprised to see that it is the 17th... a month since the diagnosis.. seems like yesterday and forever at the same time.. Difficult to fathom how much has happened in the last month.. more difficult at times is to keep the question of "WHY" from my mind.. Funny how it keeps popping up for me.. I know that on an intellectual level, the question does not have an answer, but spiritually by beliefs lead me to the concept of "everything has it's reasons on a grander scale outside our mortal realm of understanding".. The teachings I have encountered in my life have led me to ideas like this.. of looking at life and it's issues not as tragedy's or accidents, but as events that we have chosen on some level in order to bring us closer to who we really are.. closer to "God" whoever that is to you. Hard to imagine that there would be a reason for anything like watching your wife, parents and children cry at the same time. This has been the hardest part of this for me.. being the caregiver and provider always.. to watch the pain this has brought into the lives of those I love.. I tell myself that even though pain is sad, it can bring forth feelings and emotions that we have not yet experienced and can grow from their experience and understanding.. they can bring a new level of closeness into our experience. Yet, things seemed to be going so well... WHY did this have to drop into my my life?? crap, there I go again..