A quiet moment in our day!!!

I've been waiting to write in our blog all day.....but I've felt a little emotional today and I was waiting for that to pass. I've been trying to decided whether our postings should just be happy and positive or if it's OK to share some of the struggles that are also part of this wild ride we find ourselves on. I just decided that "real" is probably the most important thing to share. That "real" might help all of you understand where we are in our daily experience.

Richard is in the living room right now, reading and resting after a wonderful trip with my sister and brother-in-law to REI. We were on a mission to buy Richard the perfect hat. It seemed important that after brain surgery we find him a special hat to cover his poor little head. We actually found two! Richard was thrilled and is even wearing one in the house claiming that he loves it so much he just can't take it off. We were both touched that Jodee and Richard were willing to come and join us on "the hat finding caper"!!! Thank you to them for making both of us smile and feel cared for.

I've been watching Richard closely today (OK I've been almost constantly watching him for over two weeks now) as he moves from one activity to another. At times he seems so restless, strolling from room to room...touching treasures we've collected, looking out the window, coming to stand next to me for just a minute. At other times he seems like the old Richard...working on the computer, reading, writing, napping, playing ball with the dogs. I guess he is settling into a rhythm of recovery. I am observing and supporting in the best way I can.

I know how important it is for me to give each of us space and time to pursue our interests and to be alone. Thank God we each of interests that can continue even when we are home and quiet. I know that Richard must continue to have a strong voice in everything he does. And I know that his independence will lead to healing throughout this ordeal.

I think my own emotions are coming from learning how to stand beside him as we move through this immense disruption in our lives. I am sad that my husband is suffering both physically and emotionally. I am sad that he is having to stop working for a while and that some of his activities are being curtailed. And.....this is the worst.....I am so damn afraid.

I am often overwhelmed by Richard's beauty and courage. I am so proud of this man. His heart, his love, his compassion is so pure...he truly is a miracle. I am watching him move through this experience with an enormous strength. What an honor it is to be his wife. My eyes fill with tears as I remember all the times he has told me that he isn't frightened, that he is at peace, that his intention is to beat this. But at the same time he is so willing to show me a vunerableness that is precious and tender. He isn't afraid to cry as he is touched by all the loving gestures that people have shown us since the diagnosis. He isn't afraid to sob as he shares his pain. These are the daily blessings that have become part of my life.

I'm doing the best I can. In a surprising way I'm amazed that it hasn't been hard or horrible. When I feel myself challenged by something...I ask myself, "What would love do?" and then I find my way.

Thank you, to all of you, for being there for us. I feel you out there caring.

Blessings, as always,

Sherri